don't you understand?

i am really disappointed
who are they ? my friend ?
do they need me?
i don't think so . who need me ? i am just a 13 years old girl . just that
i am no one, just nursifa aghnia..

when i am so exited , sometimes, they broke it
sometimes, i want to disappear. maybe, i go to korea or england ㅋㅋ ~

and i am really jealous for oppa. why they can have a lot of friend?
uuurgh i'm so tired with that sentences
" a lot of friend "

no one read my blog right?

oke, so, i can say anything i want. but of course i can control it.


i'm so tired of my life, but wait..
i just want to have a happiness. not die..

so happy when i read about suju's victory. so happy when they take a silly picture
but, at that time, i'm sad
i can't feel the same like them right?
yes i am stupid!

if i want to happy like them, i should hardworking when i do something. but i am not
so, this is me
poor girl huh?


ok stop it..

i am really thankful for suju. they make me smile :D
gomawo, gomapseumnida, kamsahamnida, saranghae

saranghae~


ya, someone said "saranghae" to me. but, i don't feel it..
and another someone said "love u" to me, and i feel it was just a joke *mian!*

oke, i don't know
i do not know! i don't know what i feel!
angry ? sad?

huh, just want to sleep, and eat, and watching, and then sleep again. just like that
but my mom would be so angry to me if i was like that ㅋㅋ ~

i am crazy huh ?
so please help me :(
but, who want to help me? pffft, just imagine it.
suddenly, a good guy come to me, and then he smile to me. so nice
and then he said "fighting! you can do it!" and, my life changes! ㅋㅋㅋㅋ~

come on, don't be kidding. it is impossible !
who's that guy? i even don't have a boy friend. just 4!

i feel like

beneran lah, saya itu kayak yang seperti ibu cahya bilang "numb"
sebenernya seberapa nyebelinnya sih saya itu? kenapa orang2 pada ngga ngewaro omongan saya? mau di fb, twitter, di kehidupan asli pun jarang ato mungkin cuma 2 org yang ngewaro saya
kenapa tmn2 lain di twitter pasti ngobrol, RT RT an, kalo saya? nanyain donlod mv dimana aja, pada ga jawab.
seberapa bodohnya sih saya?
ngga tau tah ntar nonton sushow saya mau gimana

ya saya juga ingin gaul, tapi kalo ga ada yang ngewaro, sama aja itu namanya sok gaul
beneranlaaaaah, dia juga kenapa suka ama saya? nyesel mungkin ntar kalo dah ketemu langsung
alhamdulillah kalo dia emang beneran suka, trs mau bantuin saya
atuh ih, makin sini itu makin parah
"LIFE COULDN'T GET BETTER"
jangan dooong
i want a miracle
i just feel i am not supposed to be anywhere. i mean, they won't i'm with them
i am always alone, but i want my friends around me, support me. and laughing together.
they don't understand me, and i don't understand them

no they don't

saya tidak tau dimana saya seharusnya berada *to the point*
di kelas? ekskul? bimbel? les?
ntahlah.

saya ga ngerti kenapa mereka kayak gitu ke saya. kenapa saya ngerasa mereka tuh berprilaku yang berbeda, antara saya dan ke temen saya?

emangnya saya tuh salah apa?
ya saya juga tahu, saya punya banyak sekali kekurangan. saya jelek, item, bodo, sombong, sok2an, ga tau malu, egois. tapi kenapa orang2 kayak gitu ke saya? kan setiap orang juga punya kekurangan kan? segitu ga punya kelebihan setitik pun gitu saya teh?

kalo ga mau saya kyk gini, bantu dong. saya juga tau saya itu saking bodohnya ngga bisa memperbaiki diri. mereka tuh ngga ngerti pisanlah. diantara sekian banyak siswa, siapa aja coba yang tau ulang taun saya? siapa aja coba yang tau kecengan saya? siapa aja yang tau saya ekskul apa?
ngga nyampe seperempatnya juga. ngobrol ama semuanya juga belum pernah.

ga ngerti kenapa bisa masuk ke tuh kelas. mau jalan2 juga saya masih ragu2. itu karena mereka. mungkin mereka juga ngga salah, sayanya aja yang sok2an, melebih2kan, yang bodoh, tapi atuh..

saya ngga nemuin kekompakkan dimana2. silakan mau bilang apa tentang saya, saya cuma berpendapat.
masih kekanak2an? loh berarti kalo nambah gede ngga usah meduliin orang dong?

kayaknya, sampai saat ini saya masih menyayangi teman2 sd waktu dulu. saya ingin kayak waktu dulu lagi. mungkin emang udah harusnya berubah, tapi kan ngga berubah kayak gini juga kan?
saya suka sedih kalo liat anak2 suju, pokoknya org sanalah. emang saya juga ga tau aslinya mereka tuh kayak apa, saya cuma positive thinking aja.

kapan saya bisa kayak mereka?
kapan saya bisa kayak mereka?
kapan saya bisa kayak mereka?

saya juga ngga tau bakalan bisa ato ngga. satu temen aja udah susah ngejaganya, apalagi mau banyakan. bikin geng? emang ada yang mau ama saya?

kadang saya ngerasa kalo saya itu ngga penting. emang apa bedanya kalo ngga ada saya?
iya makasih aja kalo dia emang bener2 sayang ama saya, tapi mungkin dia bakalan berubah kalo dia udah kesini dan tau saya itu kayak gimana aslinya.

ADOLESCENT ALIENATION, NUMB

saya juga ngga mau jadi kayak gitu. beneranlah, dimana2 saya ngerasa ngga diperluin.
emangnya, ga ada saya kenapa?

if i had a lot of money, saya mungkin bakalan pindah rumah kemana kek, pindah sekolah, ke padang mungkin, biar saya ngga disini lagi. saya ingin nyoba nyari yang baik, yang bener. kalo emang SEMUA kayak gini yaa, ga taulah.


saya ngga tau harus apa, saya ngga tau harus ngapain,

jadi hari ini saya mendapatkan sebuah pemikiran

"belajar ajalah. mau mereka tetep gitu ato berubah, ga usah dipikirin. mendingan belajar!"

"guitar"

i really love him, no i mean, i am admiring him..

i want to be able to play guitar. but, my mom said i have to made a friend with neighbors. but there are boys, and more adult than me. and, it's hard for me to make a new friend. especially, with the boys.
even with girls, i still have a hardness


it's true that i have to be popular, and make a lot of friends but, it's hard
my classmates, boys, a lot of them can play guitar. actually, it's good if i just ask them to teach me. haha
but, it'd be strange if a girl like me to ask them.

so, i want to take a course (?). i know i will meet a lot of boys, or girls who are really (gahol), but i will try it. maybe..


i want, someone play guitar while he singing, in front of me (gyahahahhaa)
i want, that boy is "the big teeth" :D . i know it's impossible, so just hope i have a dream like that. haha

that breaktime at school, he was playing guitar when he was acting at theatre club. i feel like, uuuuh, crazy..
he makes me crazy. with his smile, and his careless..


someone, please teach me to play guitar T_T